When Grief and Faith Pull in Different Directions

One of the things I've learned since the death of my daughter is that grief and faith often pull my attention in different directions.

Grief constantly points me toward what I've lost.  Faith points me toward what remains true.

Grief tells me to focus on my circumstances. Faith reminds me to focus on Christ.

Please, hear me friend.

I'm not saying that grief is wrong or that missing our children is a lack of faith. Crying is not a lack of faith, and neither is mourning.

Jesus Himself wept, the Psalms are filled with grief and mourning, and Job spent chapter after chapter lamenting his suffering before God - just to mention a few examples.

But I've noticed something in my own life. When I spend all of my time focused on my pain, my questions, my fears, and my circumstances, I begin to lose my footing.

I become discouraged. I feel overwhelmed. I begin to lose sight of hope - or at least hope feels cloaked in sorrow.

Yet when I intentionally return my focus to God, and His character, even imperfectly, I experience something very different.

The circumstances haven't changed. My daughter is still gone and I still miss her, but I remember what is also true.

God is still good.

God is still faithful.

God is still present.

And one day, God will make all things right.

That doesn't mean I always feel hopeful. It doesn't mean I wake up every morning full of faith and confidence. It doesn't mean I never struggle, question, doubt, or cry - I cry often.

What it means is that my feelings are not the ultimate authority in my life. My circumstances are not the ultimate authority in my life.

The culture around me is not the ultimate authority in my life.

God is. And because He is, I can hold two truths at the same time.

My daughter died and God is still good.

My heart is broken and God is still faithful.

I have unanswered questions and God is still trustworthy.

I can carry profound sorrow and I have profound hope.

None of this is possible because I am strong, or I've mastered grief, or because I've figured everything out. It is only possible because Christ has not changed.

Hebrews 13:8 tells us that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever – God reminded me of that on our way to the funeral home the first time. Psalm 100:5 reminds us that the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.

It is true that my life, my family, and my future have all changed. But God did not!

And on the days when grief feels heavier than I can carry, that truth has often carried me.

The world tells us to put our hope in circumstances, but scripture tells us to put our hope in Christ.

Those are not the same thing.

One rises and falls with the situation. The other remains steady when everything else is shaken.

I don't understand what God is doing. I don't like what has happened. But I am learning that peace is often found not by understanding everything, but by remembering Who I trust.

I certainly don't say this because I have arrived. I say it because I'm grateful, I hope it can help someone else, and I need the reminder myself.

Every single day.

===

Psalm 100:5   -   King James Version
For the Lord is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations.

Hebrews 13:8   -   King James Version
Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.

Transcript

Grief And Faith Pulling Apart

SPEAKER_00 0:06

One of the things I've learned since the death of my daughter is that grief and faith often pull my attention in different directions. Grief constantly points me toward what I've lost. Faith points me toward what remains true. Grief tells me to focus on my circumstances. Faith reminds me to focus on Christ.

Tears Are Not A Failure

SPEAKER_00 0:28

Please hear me, friend. I'm not saying that grief is wrong, or that missing our children is a lack of faith. Crying is not a lack of faith, and neither is mourning. Jesus himself wept. The Psalms are filled with grief and mourning, and Job spent chapter after chapter lamenting his suffering before God, just to mention a few examples.

When Pain Becomes The Lens

SPEAKER_00 0:52

But I've noticed something in my own life. When I spend all of my time focused on my pain, my questions, my fear, and my circumstances, I begin to lose my footing. I become discouraged, I feel overwhelmed, I begin to lose sight of hope, or at least hope feels cloaked in sorrow.

Turning Back To God’s Character

SPEAKER_00 1:13

Yet when I intentionally return my focus to God and his character, even imperfectly, I experience something very different. The circumstances haven't changed. My daughter is still gone and I still miss her, but I remember what is also true. God is still good. God is still faithful. God is still present, and one day God will make all things right. That doesn't mean I always feel hopeful. It doesn't mean I wake up every morning full of faith and confidence. It doesn't mean I never struggle, question, doubt, or cry. I cry often. What it means is that my feelings are not the ultimate authority in my life. My circumstances are not the ultimate authority in my life. The culture around me is not the ultimate authority in my life.

Two Truths Held Together

SPEAKER_00 2:12

God is, and because He is, I can hold two truths at the same time. My daughter died and God is still good. My heart is broken and God is still faithful. I have unanswered questions and God is still trustworthy. I can carry profound sorrow and have profound hope. None of this is possible because I am strong or I've mastered grief or because I figured everything out.

The Unchanging Christ As Anchor

SPEAKER_00 2:46

It is only possible because Christ has not changed. Hebrews 13 8 tells us that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. God reminded me of that on our way to the funeral home the first time. Psalm 105 reminds us that the Lord is good and his love endures forever. His faithfulness continues through all generations. It is true that my life, my family, and my future have all changed. But God did not. Those are not the same thing. One rises and falls with the situation. The other remains steady when everything else is shaken.

Peace Through Remembering Who You Trust

SPEAKER_00 3:42

I don't understand what God is doing, and I don't like what has happened. But I am learning that peace is often found not by understanding everything, but by remembering who I trust. I certainly don't say this because I have arrived. I say it because I'm grateful. I hope it can help someone else, and I need the reminder myself every single day.